The Perfect Valentine Gift......

Call me crazy, but I have always loved Valentine's Day. There's always a little excitement in the air, and who doesn't look forward to the opportunity to share a little love, and to get a little in return? I try to think of different things to give the kids and Trav each year. I have left little heart notes around the house for them. I have decked Trav's whole dash board out in love notes and candy. There have been toys given as Valentine's, which my Dad thinks is ridiculous and he's probably right. Ok, he IS right! We have planned special dinner/lunch dates, and given cards, flowers and treats. This year however, was a little different. I have been really sick. The kind of sick where the house goes to pot, and I never get off the couch. Some days, I have been lucky to even get dressed. (Heather, if you comment about my 3 day secret, I will make my blog private and not invite you to be a reader! Ha, Ha!) I have been very emotional. I cry all the time. I play the piano in Primary and 2 weeks ago, I only made it through Jr. Primary, before I totally lost it and had to have someone fill in for me during Sr. so I could go home. 2 days ago at church, I cried all through sacrament as every talk was about trials and what our Heavenly Father asks of us at times. I thought I was crying in secret, but it turns out the whole ward saw. People sought me out to see if I was ok, phone calls have been made, along with emails, Facebook msgs and texts. I'm sure people think I have totally lost it. I know people think I have totally lost it. Truth is, they are right. But the real truth is......they have no idea why.

I am Expecting!!!!!

Following another miscarriage in Sept., we were so excited to get 2 little pink lines on January 5th! The excitement only seemed to last a day or so for me though. I immediately became a basket case. Surely, having a full term baby just wasn't possible for me any more. Every little thing that happened with me, or every little thing I felt, I just knew we were losing the baby. The day I ran out of Primary, I woke up with all of my pregnancy symptoms gone. Nothing. I just knew it was over. I couldn't focus on anything but that. I couldn't relax. Trav gave me a blessing and by the next day, symptoms had returned and all was well for a while. I took a fun trip to Oregon, thanks to my sweet Gma Davies, to see my Brother and his family for my beautiful niece's Baptism. I needed those few days to escape myself. We were busy while we were there and it helped keep my mind off things, other than when I'd sneak off to the bathroom to text Trav an update! The flight home I was so sick, which was such a welcome thing! But, the same thing happened this last Sunday as I woke without feeling very pregnant at all. I went to church again, with those same fears only to hear the topic of discussion. That just opened the flood gates again. So, unable to control my emotions, after taking me to our favorite place for Valentine's lunch, Trav pulled in to my Dr.'s office and we decided to pop in and beg for an ultrasound for peace of mind......or answers. I love, love, love my Dr. I give him HUGE credit for the fact that we have 3 beautiful, healthy children at all, in the first place. But here he was, just finishing his lunch, his office was technically closed for another 30 mins., and he was more than gracious in allowing us to go in for an ultrasound. As soon as he turned on that machine, there was our sweet little Valentine, with a strong heartbeat and a body that had grown immensely since the 6th week appt. Little arms and legs moving around. Is there anything better than that? I am in love already. That is why I am so coo-coo with fear. As I laid there crying, Julia said, "Mom, you have a baby in your belly!" We all laughed and gave out the hugest sigh of relief. What a weight off my shoulders. And did I mention I love my Dr.? Well, I do. He is letting me keep my appt. for next week, so I can relax a little, and not have to wait another 4 weeks! I am not too dumb to realize we are not out of the woods yet. I know from too much personal experience how fragile these little beings are and how anything can change at any minute. But, I also know from experience, what an amazing privilege and gift it is to be a Mother and to have the great blessing of carrying a special little spirit around. We have debated on waiting a few more weeks to share the news, as I'm only 10 weeks. I never know what to do. After a loss, you want to wait to make sure things look ok, but then everyone finds out anyway. My poor little kids have been worried about me and have questioned Trav about it being my MS doing stuff to me. We couldn't stand to have them worry with fear and questions anymore. It was time for them to have a little good news, plus.....I'd really like to go to church this Sunday and have people understand why I'm a little freakish right now. My Dr. put me on Prometrium, which is extra natural hormones, to help give my body a little extra boost in trying to keep our baby. Hormones make you crazy while expecting as it is, and I have double the amount! My husband is a superstar for putting up with my craziness, but he also understands. He's a pretty sweet little Valentine himself. We gave the kids a treat with a note and our ultrasound picture yesterday from the baby. They were SO excited. Tyler leaned over to me last night at Garrett's game and said, "Mom, this is the best Valentine's Day Ever!" And you know what? He was right! We're so grateful for our Perfect little Valentine's Gift.