Sweet Dreams

I never thought I would be one of "those" bloggers....where the second something happens, I'm blogging about it.....but forgive me, cause today I am, and for the time being, it is the only thing that feels good right now. Last night, Julia didn't want to get in bed, and I told her that the faster she went to sleep, the faster we could wake up, and go to the Dr. to hear our baby's heart beat! After we got the kids to school, I got her out of the bath and she looked at me and said, "Les go hear da baby's hot!" Little did I know, just over an hour later.....there would be no little heartbeat. We were devastated when Dr. Healy started the ultrasound, and there wasn't even a little flicker anywhere. I knew immediately things weren't good. The thing that was hardest of all, is there were 2 little hands, two little feet.......but no little heartbeat.....and my 2 year old asking her Daddy, "You hear da baby's hot?" It's amazing that just 4 weeks ago, the heartbeat was so strong....infact, my Dr. thinks that we must have lost the baby within the last day or so, because it was measuring exactly what it should have today, which told him it just barely happened. What went wrong?....No idea, just that part of life that no one wants to deal with, but have to! This is our second miscarriage, so we know what to expect, but unfortanately, that doesn't seem to make it any easier. My Dr. wants me to come in tomorrow morning, for one last ultrasound. Seems like salt in the wounds to me, but he doesn't want to do anything without a second look. Then, after we confirm what we already know, I will go over to the hospital and have a D & C. If I used the word "Sucks" in my vocabulary, that would describe how I feel, but since I don't, I will just say that today hasn't been my most favorite day! It was hard to tell the boys, but we knelt in family prayer and that seemed to comfort a little. I don't want to go on and on, but I have been pacing around the house since we walked in the door this morning, I had to release this in some way. Thank you to all of you who have heard through the grapevine already and have called. I really appreciate all of the love and concern and feel the prayers. This is one of those things that only time will heal. I just hope our baby knows it was loved from the first sight of 2 little lines. For now our little someone.....Sweet Dreams!