Picking up the Pieces

What a journey the last couple of weeks have been. I think I have felt every emotion possible. For those of you who have been through something like this....you have an idea of what life has been like for us lately, for those of you who haven't...I pray you never do. This experience has taught me so much in the last 14 days about myself, about my husband, about service, and especially about Faith.
-I realized that it is okay to not be strong all of the time. I was able to take some time, shut the world out and work through things with the help of my Heavenly Father. I've always felt that I needed to be strong and not let my emotions show too often. This experience taught me that at times a major meltdown is just what my spirit needs to rejuvenate itself, rather than holding things in.
- I fell even more in love with my husband (didn't know that was possible....thought I was already as deep as it could get!!). He is my rock. Travis showed me so much compassion. As soon as we found out, he took a couple of days off work to be home with me and to take care of the daily needs. He was with me through it all. As I would lay on the hospital bed and cry, he was by my side with tender hugs and kisses. A couple nights around 2 or 3 in the morning, when you'd think he was asleep, he was aware of my tears and would roll over and hold me through it. Lunches with the "guys" were canceled to come home and be with me, just to make sure I was okay. Phone calls were screened and door bells answered by him, if I just couldn't tell the story one more time. I don't know that many even stopped to ask how he was handling all of this, myself included. Oh how I have thanked Heavenly Father for him in my life over and over these last couple of weeks. "Love You" somehow doesn't even sound strong enough for what I feel for him. Thank heavens I have through Eternity to prove it!
- The service that was rendered in our behalf was truly incredible and just one more evidence of the tender mercies of the Lord. We were asked to go through this trial, but we were never left to go through it alone. Meals flooded in from family and friends, freshly baked loaves of bread were made, flowers delivered, cards sent in the mail, cookies and treats were left on the porch, books given, phone calls of love and concern, our home was even "Heart-attacked" with messages of love and support from my sweet Young Women as well as texts to babysit for free whenever I need to "Get Away." People I would never guess, and hardly know, have come out of the wood work with words of encouragement and love. I have definitely learned from their acts of service what kind of person I want to be, and hope to follow in their footsteps in lifting the spirits of others in times of trial.
- And lastly, I have gained a stronger testimony of our Savior Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father. As I pleaded in prayer the night before the D & C to have the situation change and have all be well and whole again, I realized that it was in the Lord's hands and that regardless of what morning would bring, that one day, all WOULD be well and whole again. I have relied on my testimony greatly and am so thankful for the knowledge the gospel brings. How do people deal with grief without that?

When our little one's heart stopped beating, a piece of mine did too! But I realized today, as all of the flowers are starting to wilt, and my follow-up appointment is now over, that it was time to try to move on. The vases will be cleared away and the cards placed in a box.
Our little one will never be forgotten, but today begins the process of "Picking up the Pieces."

I just hope I have the Faith, Courage, and Strength to do so.